Saturday and no night fever

Hello,

Have you heard of a hurricane? That's what my house looks like today: as if a hurricane had passed by. I am trying to gather my courage together and get cleaning but I always find a million excuses not to get started at once, one of those being updating my blogs.

I write 2 blogs at the moment: this one, Luce Perpetua, Lux Perpetua, Lumiere eternelle, eternal light, luz eterna, or one of these denominations. This name might appear to be related to a Requiem Mass:


Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Te decet hymnus Deus, in Sion,
et tibi reddetur votum in Ierusalem.
Exaudi orationem meam;
ad te omnis caro veniet.
Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat eis.




Grant them eternal rest, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon them.
A hymn becomes you, O God, in Zion
and to you shall a vow be repaid in Jerusalem.
Hear my prayer;
to you shall all flesh come.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon them.




Although Lux Perpetua might refer to a Requiem Mass, this title has more to do with: Eternal light shining upon all of us. Here and thereafter.

Well, enough philosophy for the time being. I am here, this weekend, at my little house with my cat. My husband is away this week and I really don't like to be alone. I can hear a little movement coming from the street and the market holders packing up after a day's work.

I have been busy trying to tie up projects. We spend our lives acting as if we were immortals but we are constantly facing our own mortality. Life is full of distractions, some prosaic activities keep us busy and mentally healthy, such as cleaning our houses, looking after our personal hygiene, going shopping, eating, cooking, drinking and chatting to friends. These are occupations for our bodies and minds, not occupations for our spirits, this eternal flame that shines within us.

Facing my own mortality and the reality that our time on earth is nothing but a fleeting moment, I decided to accomplish something for posterity. I still keep my 'down-to-earth' occupations (rather reluctantly) but I am trying to nourish my spirit and leave a little bit of legacy of who I am, what I love, how I think. I am aware I am of no great importance in the world, but I am still a living being, with the right to exist, feel, doubt, believe, suffer, create and love.

I love music and many have told me my voice is special, though I am not a very self confident person and often wonder how kind people are being to me by complimenting me so. In any case, I have never properly recorded anything, so I am trying to record a CD.

Yesterday I went in a recording studio, I got some backing tracks online (that's what I can afford at the moment) and had an attempt at recording.

At the beginning I felt almost completely lost as if I had completely forgotten how to sing. After over an hour of not very successful attempts, things started to work a little better. I still need to perfect some of it but most of it was ok I guess. I forgot to bring some of my music and I had some memory blanks for madame Butterfly and although I was vocally ok with it, I still need to revise the text.

Amazingly enough, I didn't sing anything half as well as I sang Mozart and Puccini, making me believe I should stick to those 2 composers, Mozart being my favourite for vocal works.

I need, every now and again, to come back to my essence and to whom I am, because it is so easy to get lost in activities, to get lost in our beliefs as we are constantly challenged by the world, its beliefs, its demands. It is difficult to stay truthful to yourself, so difficult not to harden up by so many disappointments we accumulate through life, so many losses, so much injustice, such ugliness.

Amongst these moments of distress, what pulls me back to finding some beauty here on earth, is music. More than anything, those marvellous musicians and masters from the past, through their genius, are a constant reminder of how close we are to heaven whilst on earth, by appreciating beauty.

How beautiful it is to see a flower blooming.

How beautiful true love is.

How beautiful truth is.

How beautiful good music is.

In an attempt to numb human consciousness, our world makes us listen to rubbish music, eat rubbish food, nourish our bodies mind and soul with nothing.

Panis et Circensis.

'Give them bread and circus.' This little message from one of the biggest world Empires of all times has never been so engrained and so popular as it is nowadays.

The only thing that differs us now from them is that the circus in no longer the Colosseum but Television which invades our homes and our brains and the bread is the fast food, fast rubbish culture, where we eat chemically modified food. We ingest in body and soul things that instead of nourishing us, poison us, empty us, turns us into non-persons, incapable of feeling, of analysing, of thinking.

We are all free to think, in our democracy, as long as we think we are thinking what they want us to think.

One of the main tool of this panis et circensis business is ignorance and lack of critical sense. We gob every information without checking the source, nobody reads anything. Everybody seems to have firm opinions about everything and the stronger the conviction the weaker the knowledge. Knowledge became inversely proportional to conviction. How wrong are we?

The role of education nowadays is to provide students technically good enough to perform specific tasks without being educated enough to comprehend the meaning of these tasks. Automats, robots, non persons are living on earth, all with strong ideas and opinions about what they most completely ignore.

I often read on Facebook those pearls of wisdom with an alleged source. Most of it wasn't written by whom they said it was. One of them was a free translation of the lord's prayer, supposedly the original version in aramaic. Although quite interesting, this version has nothing to do with the Lord's prayer in Aramaic. Who reads Aramaic today anyway?

Most of us have to trust the few scholars left that can translate anything. Our ancestors have left a legacy from the past, from philosophers, scientists, poets, writers, composers, a legacy of art, of wisdom, of critical thinking. A legacy that makes us understand who we were and therefore who we became.

If we do not know where we came from we will never be able to move forward. I am afraid, more than ever, the 21st century seems to have reinvented itself, by creating a rupture with what the world has been for thousands of years and re-creating a new world. I fear the order of this 'new found world' is based on equivocal statements and ideas.

I am afraid this new generation will erase the old world for a world that is based on wind. Based on strong opinions about nothing. And if someone rises and tries to disclose the truth, as in Plato's myth of the cave, nobody will believe him or try to see it. They will still be looking at shadows pretending they are real. This man might even be killed. How can you stare at shadows when you have seen the light? You can't, not even at the cost of your own mortal life.

I don't mean to criticise people for being who they are, I would like that more people had the courage to stand up in the darkness and dare to look at the light. Even if no one else will dare turn and no one else will dare believe, at least this world will not die in the hand's of blindfolded people that think and believe those shadows are all there is to see.

Have a lovely Saturday,

Many blessings may come your way.

Gisele

Journal

When I was a teenager I used to write a journal. Did you?

I wrote in this journal all my little secrets, the boy I was fond of, things happening in my family, my heart aches, my activities, my fears, my joys, and only my BFF (best friends forever) could read some of it, as the rest of it was kept in absolute secrecy.

What's a blog? It is a journal, but a journal that is opened to the world. Is it any different? Oh, yes, in a journal we write things from the bottom of our hearts, things we are even ashamed of sometimes, of course those are not to be read even by our bff.

We all have an image we present to the world. We are all ashamed of confessing our secret thoughts, sometimes, thoughts we are even ashamed to have! We are ashamed of confessing our secret feelings, we are ashamed to tell people that we love them, to tell people what we really think of them. We live in a flattering, lying world, I do believe honesty and truth should rule the world but we are probably not yet ready for the truth.

And the truth shall set you free!!

Are we free? No, we are not and we will never be free if we don't leant some wisdom. I am thinking of the 10 commandments. I am thinking of things that have been taught year after year, generation after generation for thousands of years.

After the technological advance of the 20th century and especially after the 2 world wars, human beings thought they could re-invent the world their own way.

When I was a teenager I used to think that the 60's was the best decade ever. Why? Teenagers come to a world they don't understand. They are not longer children and not yet adults. Adulthood is a mystery to apprehend and when they were children they lived in a 'fantasy world', sheltered, protected, even a magical world with fairy tales and games. Teenage years are the years of awakening and learning what the world is really like.

What was your first reaction then? Do you remember? I do. I was shocked, I was disappointed with the adults for turning the world I was supposed to grow up into such a mess. I found out the horrors of war, drugs, prostitution, murdering, thieving, I found out about discrimination, racism, hatred, hunger... I found out about abortion, rejection, lying. I found out adults lied!

When a teenager finds out the world is not a fairy tale and they have to live in it, the first reaction is: rejection. A teenager wants a better world, a world of love and peace, a teenager wants a world like the fairy tale world of their childhood, where good always triumphs and everybody lives happily every after. But a teenager wants that in the real world. So, when I saw in the 60's, there was the dream of living in peace, freedom and love, I thought this was wonderful. By growing up I found out it was not. Do you know why? Because it was another lie.

We all want love, but love is not synonym of having sex with the entire world. Sex is not love, love is a different matter. Freedom is not about having drugs to have an escapism from reality. Freedom is not being free at someone else's expenses. Love, freedom, justice can exist, but with responsibility, with consequences, with growing up. The other shortcuts are in fact highly destructive. They are false promises, they are lies. At first they seem to be a lot of fun, but they end up causing destruction. A teenager wouldn't know that. In our teenage years we think we know everything, but we don't and only later on in life we can see that.

For this 60's generation, parents were 'square', they conformed to the rules. That generation lost the art of cooking, sewing, embroidering, dancing, playing an instrument. The easy gratification idea was installed in this new empty world.

I am leaning Ballet, ballroom and pastry. You would tell me those things are not related but they are, in a very strange way. My ballroom dance teacher says: nobody dances properly anymore, our parents learnt how to dance. In the pastry class, it is said that nobody cooks anymore, we all go to the supermarket and buy a ready made cake. When did it get lost? The 60's generation.

In one hand there were the horrors of the 2 wars nobody wanted to repeat, in the other hand, parents that had starved and seeing the horrors of war, tried to make up for their children. Is it wrong? Is it wrong to give children more that we had? Of course not, giving is great, but parents forgot more and more how to teach their children about responsibility, gratitude, appreciation, respect. The generations that followed got more and more lost, more and more forgetful.

I am not such a pessimist that I don't believe we have the ability of changing it. I think we should re-insert cookery, dance, proper music and embroidery classes in schools. I think we should teach the children to work, not enslave them, but by performing little tasks at their reach, like preparing a simple meal, making their beds. We should avoid having another spoiled generation for the future's sake. We should teach respect for the teachers, parents, and those should inspire respect back. Those notions are not old fashioned, they are eternal.

I find the world lacking more and more of respect, of love, of knowledge. By having knowledge of our past we can move to the future, a future based in the legacy. Changing without erasing. Changing with conscience, with wisdom.

Well, why do I think about the 10 commandments? Because those were teachings to last forever, those were not repressive notions, but those were guidelines for human beings to live in a better way and in a better world and to avoid suffering and pain. As Christianity became so out of fashion, those values are also slowly being erased, corrupted, even laughed at.

I am not going to deny that the church has many flaws, flaws that have lead to some hypocrisy and many false churches are around, churches made by men are full of flaws. I avoided going to church for many years because I could not stand the narrow mindedness and jealousy that existed in the churches. Those man made institutions are man like: filled with flaws but sometimes necessary.

If we love God above everything and acknowledge he is above us, that make us all the same, we are all the same, nobody is better or worse.

If we love others like we love ourselves, we respect them. But we need to respect ourselves first, or else we won't know what love is. Love in the greater meaning of the world, that comes with understanding of who we deeply are.

Killing, stealing, we all know it is wrong but why? Another commandment. Imagine if we lived in a world where we could steal, kill do whatever we wanted? Chaos. Of course, this is part of love, if you really love someone you would kill them or steal from them, but this is a detailed set of rules, nothing is implicit.

I could go on and on but I hope we all know how it goes. Basic rules to keep us at bay and to protect us agains ourselves, and we are, most frequently,  our worse enemies.

So here I am, digressing again. I was meaning to talk about blogs. I wanted to say that blogs are not diaries, where we can be absolutely honest, knowing that nobody will read them. So I will try to be very honest here, the most I can, as if I was going to write my own personal diary. I firmly believe that honesty can be perceived and only an honest message gets across. By being honest, a human being can truly relate to another because deep down we are all the same, cultural differences apart. The essence is the same. We truly are all brothers and sisters, all part of the same human family.

I am going to clean my house.

See you soon,

Gisele

Cleaning day

Good morning, I mean good afternoon!!!

It is sunny outside but today is the day I have to face the big cleaning day. Since we got flooded I have been living in denial, pretending the mess is not there but today I have no alternative but face it.

I try and postpone it the most I can, that's why I am sitting here writing this blog but there is no more running away.

Tomorrow I have another busy cooking day, better get prepared to it.

See you soon,

Gisele

Lost in my thoughts

Hello,

I attempted to write this blog many moons ago but never got round to doing it. As I am writing a much more pragmatic blog called gisele and jamie, I might every now and again come back to this one. If the other blog is more about action, this blog is supposed to be more about inner thoughts, if any springs to my mind.

What's happening in England at the moment? Rain, rain and more rain. It has been the most rain England has seen in a hundred years. Trust me to be here when it happens.

The rain got so strong that my house got flooded last Saturday and I haven't still sorted out all the mess. When things get too much I have the need to pretend they are not there and I totally go into denial mode.

My life is filled with little activities, nothing major: Ballet, Ballroom and Pastry course at South Devon College. It is nothing of resounding glory and importance but it makes me happy. I love dancing and I truly enjoy cooking. I have a tendency to create and make things but I have no talent to make money. Maybe when the main aim in what you do is primarily to make money, inspiration flees away as the creative juices can't flow if under pressure, stress or even worse, compromising your principles.

I just want to live in peace. Don't we all????

It is rather funny how human beings have the talent to turn every perfect moment of happiness into something bad by the ability of criticise, destroy, envy and other very mean feelings but the worse of all, is trying to control, possess, dictate...

I am trying hard to fight those low instincts of the human being, some of those I confess to possess, unfortunately. I think we are all made for greatness but we all get lost in pettiness, we are so busy counting the little coins that we miss the big pot of gold. Do not take me literally, please, there is no pot of gold anywhere, but there is happiness at reach, if only we pay attention to it.

I am, after this philosophical speech, going to bed as I am feeling quite tired after an afternoon of cooking lovely things at my pastry course. Creme brûlée, caramel, cheese cake... Very useful learning indeed.

I will definitely have sweet dreams!!!

And I wish you do too.

Gisele

Welcome to my world

Hello.

After seeing many blogs all over the place I finally got the courage to write my own little lines. When I was a teenager, I used to write a diary. I suppose the difference between a diary and a blog is that when you write a diary you keep your darkest most hidden secrets to yourself and the diary, that one day will be destined to be read by others. With a blog, you write to share with others, hoping that some of your inner thoughts and feelings are universal and someone might identify with them.

Today it has been a wet, grey day in Devon UK. Some might say, typical unpredictable insular English weather, although it has been sunny in other parts of England.

I suppose I am becoming a bit English by commenting about the weather before saying anything else, this is a fact of life: when you live someplace you get influenced by that place and influence others around you. This is the richness of mixing, traveling, immigrating.

I had a lazy morning and then went teaching singing to 2 lovely 9 year old girls. I went to visit my best friend and sister, and family (she has got the biggest family in this part of the world) and now, back home, I am cooking Boeuf Bourguignon to my dear husband and me.

It all sounds very prosaic but what's life if not a routine, made with simple but fulfilling events. When everything sounds boring, it means everything is as it is supposed to be. I saw sheep and greenery and flowers on my way there and back, I love the month of May and all its colours and fragrances. C'est le mai, joli mai, c'est le joli mois de mai.

I can, from here (the office) smell the glourious aroma of 'herbes de Provence', mixed with bay leaves from the garden, French red wine, shallots, bacon and beef, that compose my recipe. I will soon go down and add cut mushrooms and wait for my husband to come home.

Life is mild, the season is mild and I think England has the most beautiful scenery in Springtime on the planet. I might be wrong, but what I saw today definitely made me think that.

I will stop from now, finish cooking and I will try and be faithful, write most days and keep you updated.

Bye

Gigi